Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all the lonely people in the world.
Including myself.
New year is coming.
And I'm feeling so lonely right now,
Like I have no friends at all.
Like nobody wants me.

I guess nobody wants me after all.

Regretful

I can't believe I didn't go to see Hebe this year.
For the past 2 days :(
I'm not even seeing Ella on 31st December thanks to my exams ;(
I'm sad!

For the first time I actually didn't go for the music promo :(
And so my Hebe's second album has no signature :'(

I swear this year will be the last year and for the first and the last, VERY LAST time I will miss them out. :(
Breaks my heart :'(

I promise nothing will stop me from seeing them the next time!!

So I'm looking forward to 2012,
Because S.H.E is coming back as ONE!
Once again, I'll never miss a chance to see them.
NOT ANYMORE

Good everyone.

:(

My watch screen cracked this morning :(
I don't know man!
I wanna make money!
But how?

Decemberism

HOW
JANUARY EXAM ADI LEEEEHH
I'm gonna die like a fish :(

And my watch is very pretty :D

So fast december is here already.
I wonder what is gonna happen to 2012
What is gonna happen to my future D;

I am screwed like a whore :(
I dunno what to say la!

Just wanna scare you all with DECEMBER D;;;;

Poor ankle.

Stupid. I stepped into a pothole and KRAK my right leg is GONE.
I am half cacat for 5 days already zzz
Why nobody send me flowers or chicken essence :(

Now December is coming, my money is coming back also TT
BUT in a while it will all be gone also :|
Blame all the things I wanted to buy.

And suddenly I feel like going out with my friends :(
For so long we didn't go yumcha already!
Zzz all because I have no money.
No money no money.
That's the issue :/

Good thing Chinese New Year is coming,
So I get angpow!
But I'm having exam, means I will die -.-

Hmm and lately I'm so bored at home I can rot anytime D;
The only thing I'm waiting for is for my A-Levels to be over,
And my money to come back :|
Should I reload my Starbucks card?
Zzz if I do I'm gonna be BROKE.
But I want :(
And the tumbler.
And this.. And that..
Gah blame myself :(

Block my car you DAII

Poor saga that blocked my car today.
Left the owner a note and kicked the car.
I even carved a FUCK on the car. (Y)
Double-park but didn't leave number, waited for nearly an hour and cooking myself in my car!
Good thing my car got fuel can enjoy air-con.
I heard that the car was still there at 3:30PM,
Imagine I was leaving at 11:00AM!
Zzz I'll not wait for you like an idiot!!
I even posted in Facebook and it seems that I became popular HAHAHA
Serve your ass right.

And the watch is only RM169.
Hahahah but I can only get it in December :|
I think I need to lock myself in my room so that I stop eating like a crab D;
And I promise, promise promise promise I'll stay slow on Starbucks after I get the daily planner!
10 more cups to go before 15 Jan 2012 -.-

And I think I posted something in Facebook!
Like if I lose 10kg within 2 months *deadline 18 Jan*, I will sing a full song and post to Facebook!
If 15kg I'll dance in public HAHAHAHA
I know it wouldn't happen, WAIT LIKE FOOLS YOU SUCKERS BAHAHAHAHA

And nowadays I'm like so tired :/
Get home, sleep. Get home, sleep.
I dream of sleeping in my sleep.

And I wanna watch Immortals and see people chop their heads off and dance like Sakai!

Once again, WHY AM I SO BROKE.
I think I need a job.
I got so many things I want looo :(
Like Christmas Edition Starbucks Tumbler,
New sling bag,
More t-shirts,
Yumcha,
Branded sling bags -.-

Zzz too bad money can't have sex or else I'll force them to rape each other everyday D;

And I want lengzai hahahah!
Shit whatthefuck

November.

Omg its already November.
12 days past November -.-
I suppose nobody reads my blog anyway but still I wanna post something.

Another few weeks to December then January then exam!
Crap I haven't even stared studying yet -.-
The only thing I've started is drinking Starbucks! D;
And recently I'm so into t-shirts (although I am a t-shirt freak just that I bought 2 new t-shirts).
And I kinda reserved a RED LED WRIST WATCH :D
I've always wanted a new watch!
Best if it's customizable with a message. :)
Hmmm but itll probably cost around 200+ but I don't mind.

Tag force 6 is out!
But my PSP is kinda..
Out of date? I dunno cause it's been years since I last played it. :/
But the good thing is PSVita is coming out :D
And Final Fantasy X is gonna be remade! (yay! XD)
On PS3 and PSVita.
I wonder if I should Vita?
Can't wait for FFX :)

Oh, and I got myself a Starbucks card,
Christmas edition which will look funny after Christmas is over.
Hahaha!
But finally the card came to Malaysia.

It's only 12th of November and I'm alreaady broke.
Why?
Damn I need to control my expenses.
But I don't even remember what I spent on -.-
Maybe on food, or....
Starbucks..... -.-

At 10:03AM and it's raining.
And I'm alone at home.
Feeling hungry right now but there's only maggi mee for me to eat at home.
So sad TT
Nevermind maybe I'll get to dig something out of the fridge.

And I seriously need a carwash and refill my car's water supply for my windscreen.
It's so hot but I can't spray it with water to cool it down :(
Poor Sam.

I'm like talking random things in the morning when I just woke up.
Well can't blame me because I am BORED and HUNGRY and HOME ALONE.

When I'm in my room,
I kept hearing footsteps outside my door D;
Like going up(down?) the stairs.
*shit, I even hear it now when I'm typing this D;*
Honestly im scared if it's a theif or something but everything valuable is in my room -.-
But then what if my CDs are stolen!!!
Who would steal CDs anyways.
*if it's a ghost then fcuk -.-*

Ok I think I should stop blabbering about my life alone at home -.-
I think now I'll go check out the footsteps and grab myself somethin to eat.
Adios!

October

It's already October.
Time flies like shit and there's nothing we can do about it.
I wanna be alright.
And my studies are dying.
I can't let it happen to me.
But for some unknown reasons I feel really tired lately.
I think I need a few days to think through and I'll be up again.
I have no other ways to step back do I might as well go forward.

Better days

Life's getting better for me now.
I stopped the stuff and I'm quite sure j don't need it anymore.
Even if I did, I'll have extra, well just in case.
In fact, I'm getting much more hyper these days, I can't stop crapping.
I thought it was probabaly a defense mechanism of mine, but it turned out to be something else.
Very easy things made complicated.
And so it stayed complicated.
Even now.
But it's okay because I know where I stand.
I just wanna mean something.
To you.

Sunshine Mezors

For the past 2-3 weeks I've been on the downside of my life.
I know how negative I have been or become.
And I know people might be talking about my sudden transformation.
Well not exactly a transformation,
More like a mutation.
Cause it happened in all of a sudden.

For those who are wondering what happened that left me such in impact in my life,
My answer to you is, nothing.
Yea maybe small things but,
The factor for the "mutation" is... Nothing.
Probably the aftereffect of what happened previously.
It shouldn't be this big, but unfortunately it happened anyway.

I'm trying to see the bigger picture of the future,
The bigger piece of myself,
And accept the fact that there are better things to do instead of being down all day at home.
And yes, I'm still trying.

Some people might think that I'm overreacting over certain incidents,
But no.
It's not within my control,
And thus I do not control anything.

I'm trying my very best to get the "me" I used to be last time.
And so I really need support instead of words that come from behind.

Humans get into shit sometimes, all the time.
This just so happen to be a worse shit compared to others.

There are things I need to worry about,
Like getting my side mirror fixed,
Bucking up on my studies,
Honing my driving skills,
And work on my car.

And so I declare that I will try my very best to get myself healed.
With or without medication.
For those who heard me,
If you don't wanna help me,
At least try not to bring me down.

Lastly I'm sorry if I made anyone worry about me,
Or frustrated with my condition,
Or angry with what I said,
Or bothered with my posts on Facebook,
And heck, it's Facebook.

I'm gonna bring the Sunshine back into me.
It's all about a different perspective right?

Bye and peace out.

The warmth.

Just a random post.

Have you ever had a feeling that came rushing into your heart whenever you sit around a table with your friends or family, everyone chatting away and extending their arms to reach the bowl of mashed potatoes across the table, or just passing a cracker to the person opposite of them? One offers the jam and suggests that it goes well with the bread and another one just takes a sip of coffee out of a friend's cup. The presence of everyone is so strong I couldn't help but observe.

Sometimes, I just think it's so lonely to have only a couple of people at home, with each person doing their own work, without any communication at all.And that feels like.. a broken family. The sound of the television fills up the living room and nobody says a thing.

To me, a house has to be bright and filled with people-close people to make it feel homely. A heart has to be accepting and a mind has to be open to keep the people around us happy, because rejection is the quickest way to push people away-and keep them away.

I miss the feeling of being together with friends, around a small table filled with all kinds of food, with bright lighting and open windows. Fresh air had never felt so different before. A warm fire just ignited inside me. How I wish I can relive that one more time, with more people close to me, with more people that I care for.

Burn CD

*This is an illegal post, any kids of cops please go away*

After all these years baru I start to post again!
But I just wanna say also,
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS BARU I KNOW MY DESKTOP CAN BURN CD
Ish, I go and beg people to help me -.-

Now I got a cool very Mezors-feel CD
Hahahaha!
And I got a friggin J-card
I wanna collect points and trade for their pot!

And the whole june I'm holidaying
Damn bored like some shit!
Got some work on my car done
And I wanna go on vacation but I failed.
Cause I'm broke.

Didn't even manage to cheong k :(
I swear Imma go genting on August!

Sometimes When We Touch

I just fell in love with this song.
I can actually cry with this!

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

I wanna hold you till I die.
I really wanna.

The other side

sometimes i *blank* you so much
sometimes i feel like i can't *blank* without you
you *blank* inside of me so deeply you kinda infected my brain

i know i seldom say these sentences
i never appear this way

then
i realize how hidden i am
really.

i never tell anyone about my problems
ok fine i tell certain people
but not all of them

even if i tell
it wouldnt be a complete story anyway
i was being that way since who-knows-when

but i know sometimes its annoying to be so down around people
so i practically always laugh at things, laugh at myself
i even joke with my problems
and people thought that i was ok

so when i dont talk,
DON'T make me
cause u know how down or upset i might be

recently
many shits happened to me
bad shits

but to let u guys know
im glad to have all of you in my life
and those who arent,
your lost ! :)

p/s: i really do *blank* you.

Useless piece of..

Can I just die and leave everything behind?

It's all said and done

Well it happened harder than I thought.
It went better than I thought.
I am stronger than I thought.

Crying don't mean you're weak.
Crying just mean...
You're crying out some space for more things to come in.

Errr yea I cried.
It's easy for me to cry.
It's difficult for me to hold it back.
But it ain't impossible you know?

What we need to do is to get over it.

Done.

I've made my decision.
It feels weird but I do feel better.

My SPM results

I got my results yesterday

I suppose it was better than I expected.

Way better.

First of all,

I didn't FAIL my Additional Mathematics,

I didn't FAIL my Pendidikan Islam,

I didn't FAIL my Sejarah,

I didn't FAIL my Chemistry,

And what's most important is,

My English got A+ :D

I guess I'm happier than I thought.

I predicted that I would probably cry after seeing my results,

But I didn't.

People got straight A's,

But I got close to straight B's,

Which an A+ kacau-ing and a C+ kacau-ing there.

I didn't dare to aim high,

But whatever I aimed is achieved,

I guess it's...

A job fairly well done :)

Lastly,

For my HELP Star Idol,

To whoever's interested,

Please grab the tickets from me by 29th of March,

Price: RM10 (Early Bird), RM15 (After 29th of March)

Date: 1st of April 2011

Venue: HELP Main Block Theatrette

Time: 7pm - 10pm

Please come and watch me perform,

And IF I got into the finals,

VOTE FOR ME,

Your votes are CRUCIAL

Thank You.

HELP Star Idol

I have only 2 days left to decide what song to sing
And I really have NO IDEA what to sing.
I have some on my mind but....

1st)I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
...
That's all -.-

All Fine

It's been gloomy all day
I can't find words to say
Why don't it rain?
Rather than having all the tears in suspense
And my emotions just feel so intense
But I can't say it out loud
I might cry
Like
A person who lost the love of their lives

I can't deny
I mean to love you
You walked away
And you forgot I was behind

If you were a song
I'd be singing until I just die
You made me cry
I failed to try Holding back
I willingly fall down from the sky
Diving into the world of my demise

Will you be mine?
I say it's impossible now
And also forever
It's true that I
Hide the pain so I look alright

But baby don't expose my lies
Just know that I am all fine
I am all fine

End Of February

It's 1st March

Happy Birthday Eve :D

Time flies huh?
It's been 3 months since all of us parted ways
College is totally different from school
High school, I mean.

The days when we were just a seat away
Maybe just a wall, or a ceiling away
Times have changed, for real.

Working people work,
And students study.
Students-to-be preparing for further studies.

Then,
Gaps appear

And people just get drawn away from whatever that is present
Moving towards something new.
Rather, somebody.
Distances get longer and hearts never knew how to grow fonder.
(Though my heart is always fond of my present.)

Now everybody is waiting for the SPM results
I guess that's the only day we can actually "re-bond" for once.

Recently,
I feel so down and upset.
I think I probably knew the reason but I just deny it all.
I tried to convince myself but it didn't really succeed for long.

So now I'm training with the Music Club.
I hope I can express myself vocally better than before.

The music and the man

Right now I'm in college waiting for my Islamic Studies to start
But I'm so bored so I decided to blog

First of all,
I wanna say that I made it to the HELP Music Club
WOOHOO
I got through the "half-audition" -.-
Guess what?
I'm in the team XD
Training's gonna start soon and I am FORCED to join HELP Star Idol Competition
D;

Secondly,
A-levels so far it's just OK
No big deal about it
The teachers...
Cool, sometimes.

Today is Chap Goh Meh
Final day of Chinese New Year in 2011
Anybody threw mandarin orange into the river yesterday?
What a pollution

So many people didn'u update blog recently
What a bummer

And next year,
Hopefully by the end of this year,
I can have a trip with friends to Melaka
By car, on our own.
I found some quite cool hotels (guesthouses lah)
Hidden somewhere in the small town of Melaka

When I'm typing this post
My eyes hurt,
I get headache
I just ate Chicken Rice before I blog
And now I'm lonely because I still have 1 hour to my next class

Then I wanna go for karaoke because it's been a long time since my last session
I miss the vibe of the room
With loud music and I can sing

Speaking of songs,
After I get my P license,
After I get the car,
I'm going to upgrade the audio system and make surround sound
WAHAHAHA

Ok sorry -.-
Byebye loh

兔年行 大运？

HAPPY RABBIT NEW YEAR ~!!

Ok, i didnt mean for this post to be in chinese
its just that although its new year
i feel sad for something

its gonna be chinese afterwards,
so if u wanna know, go to google translator

刚庆祝了新年
吃了团圆饭
虽然说大家都坐在一起
不过还是觉得有些东西缺了

看着我堂妹
一个人在那里
母亲回了娘家
她家庭不太坚固
老实说
差不多已经碎了

人言可畏啊
我婆婆不喜欢她的媳妇
我姑姑也不许喜欢她的大嫂
而我爸呢， 又撑她们的腰
搞到自己哥哥的家庭没了

在一段对白中，我问我爸：
“她（我堂妹）会来吗？”
“会，你伯伯会去载她。”
“那她妈妈呢？”
“没有来，她来的话都变得不团圆了。”

她来的话都变得不团圆了？

有什么团圆饭没了一个人就团圆的？
我很遗憾
我爸竟然会这么说。

说到团圆饭
我不知哪来借的胆
我开口问我爸
我问他， 明年新年能不能跟我妈过
（中间有些话就省略）

这么一说，
才发现
这17年来
我重来没有跟妈妈庆祝过新年
我这一生人至少要跟妈妈过一次新年
不知道有没有机会？

Chinese New Year

Still got 1 day to go before holiday starts
And holiday only lasts for 1 week TT

To kill your joy
I wanna say something to people who decides to go for A-levels during the March intake
DON'T ! You're gonna die before you can realize
It's not easy
Even harder when you compress a 6-month (1 semester) course into 3 months
Because for people in March intake
They still exam during June Whuthefack
Ok sorry

And....
Selina finally came out of the hospital
I was happy, and yet sad
I cried. Stopwiththeemohahahaha

Next I'm planning to go for French class
Self-sponsored
How independent
But I'm not sure where yet

Isn't this like the most abrupt ending?

i miss kitties

no , not talking about Tommy Joe (LOL)
just that the kittens that were in my house porch disappeared :(
and the kittens were born on 1st Jan 2011 :(

i really miss them and i really hope that they will come back
but i think the chance are small

they're only 2 weeks old when they disappeared and it happened only a few days ago
i hope they will come back, one day
and i will know when the time comes
because both of them looks like the mother.

body is white, with 2 patches of black by their ears
so adorable and cute

but now they're gone

and i really miss the scene where i can always peep and see the kittens all cuddled up at their mother's belly

come back soon?

somebody said kitties are tough.
you will come back right? :(

Happy 01012011

happy new year everybody !!
2010 was a good year, and a bad year altogether.
many good memories, and sad ones.

many found their "sate's" and their "honey"s
and i wanna find mine also HAHAHAHA

celebrated an earlier birthday for a friend
Happy birthday to you :)

1/1/11 comes only once in a thousand years
so i hope you guys will forgive whatever wrong i've done
whatever crap i've said
and i hope the tears will come to an end
only happy tears will fall

happy new year to my loved ones
and i really mean my LOVED ones.
many of them

some special ones,
some faraway ones,
some hidden ones,
most of all mixed up ones.

I love all of you ok?

have a great 2011 and stay positive:)