Who am I really????

if anyone wanna try to look into themselves a little bit, try answering these questions!
from: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/30-thought-provoking-questions-you-should-ask-yourself-every-day.html


1. Who am I really?
-i'm just a non-binary person struggling to make peace with my internal self and relying on others to regulate my emotions but that doesn't make me any less valid than anyone else.

2. What worries me most about the future?
-that i won't be able to be as honest i want toward the people that i care about the most, the people who deserve the truth from me. also the progression (or regression) of human rights hahahaha

3. If this were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?
-well if anyone read what happened to me today, i don't think i want my last lunch to be vietnamese beef noodles and my dinner to be banana and peanut butter sandwich. and fuck lectures on my last day of life, i'll just get on a flight back home and tell people i love that i love them. if the flight takes 17 hours, that means i have 7 hours with them. for the last day of my life, that's pretty good.

4. What am I really scared of?
-i'm scared that i'll be alone forever and that i'll only be chasing things or people i know i will never get near to. and i'm scared that i'll disappoint my family in whichever way, even if it's something i have no control over. and i'm scared that my kids will turn out to be bad people because of my inadequacy as a parent. and butterflies.

5. Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
-i'm finding answers to this as well. because... how does one define the "need" to let go? when the pros outweigh the cons? how does one measure that? and what does "let go" really mean? how does one consciously decide to "let go" ? knowing that one should let go is one thing, the actual execution of that is another.

6. If not now, then when?
-when one day i wake up and finally realize that it doesn't bother me anymore. but i know, it will not be something i have chosen to do, it is something that comes to me. eventually, i hope. i've been there once and it was very relieving.

7. What matters most in my life?
-to be honest, i'll probably think that i matter most in my life. but that's just how i think, how i feel though, is entirely different. i just want people i care about to be happy, even if i wouldn't be.

8. What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?
-i'd like to believe that people think i have the power to make them laugh. i know it doesn't solve problems, but personally, i'd like someone who can be serious enough to listen, and also fun to be around with when things don't have to go too deep. is that me? hahaha. i'm also trying to support movements that can bring human rights closer to human beings. i'd like to believe that i'm trying.

9. What do I matter?
-i don't know, really. i never really felt like i mattered much but sometimes people tell me i do. so i listen. maybe i'm a nice friend.

10. Have I done anything lately worth remembering?
-hahahaha yes. all my firsts. this whole studying abroad thing is worth remembering.

11. Have I made someone smile today?
-not sure if it has to be physical, but does getting a HAHAHAHAHA as a reply count?

12. What have I given up on?
-hmmm. i guess i sort of have given up on my volunteering work. other things? i wouldn't say "give up" but more like i need more guts so i haven't gotten around pursuing them yet.

13. When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
-if i don't remember does it mean that it was a long time ago?

14. If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would I give?
-be a kind person. don't do drugs.

15. What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?
-this taxi guy who discounted the moving fees of £10 that should have been added to the fare when he drove me and my stuff from the storage place.

16. How shall I live, knowing I will die?
-as true as possible to myself,  as kind as long as i remember to, hurt no good people except with the truth they need or deserve to hear, be there as much as possible. always have an open mind to see from other people's eyes, apart from bigots because they suck.

17. What do I need to change about myself?
-i know i need to feel less negative about things, and be more disciplined. but i really can't help it.

18. Is it more important to love or be loved?
-they are equally important but i guess that's not the point of this question.... i'd choose loving someone first, because then i'll have sort of a purpose.

19. How many of my friends would I trust with my life?
-less than five. around 3 or 4. i trust many friends, just not all of them with my life.

20. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
-i was and am still being molded by the accumulation of experiences with different people. but there is one friend that opened my eyes to what matters in the world, and gave me the means to find a sense of self-liberty. thank you.

21. Would I break the law to save a loved one?
-it depends. if the loved one did something that deserved to be punished for? what can i do about it? otherwise, probably.

22. Would I steal to feed a starving child?
-why should i steal? can't i find food legally? i would at least ask for help.

23. What do I want most in life?
-i want to find love and pursue my dreams. and i want everyone to be happy for me.

24. What is life calling of me?
-make the world a less daunting place to be. i don't really know? but i know what my ears and heart are for. hopefully making the world a better place.

25. Which is worse: failing or never trying?
-never trying. but i've been doing that despite knowing that it's the worse of the two.

26. If I try to fail, and succeed, which have I done?
-i have succeeded in failing.

27. What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?
-mezors has changed my life and made me a better person. or... now that mezors is gone, nobody has the best jokes anymore.
 
28. Does it really matter what others think about me?
-to me, it really depends on who the "others" are.

29. To what degree have I actually controlled the course my life has taken?
-probably 30% because i don't take control, i go with the flow. even if i don't for the remaining 70% of the time, life still goes on, like a chain effect from the 30% that i took control of.

30. When it’s all said and done, will I have said more than I’ve done?
-most probably. because i know i'm not one who has enough courage to do everything that i wanted to. although i really wish that this won't be the case in the future.

hmmm i wonder what that says about me...